A Tale of Two Baes…

Let me tell you a story about two people in my life. They are #FamiliarBae & #BeneficialBae. Familiar Bae and I were together for a really long time. They knew me inside and out. Being with them was so comfortable for me. But, I started getting restless with Familiar Bae. I was trying to move forward, and Familiar Bae was chillin’ with no intentions of trying to go to the next level.

So, even though it was hard, I broke up with them. Not too long after, I started seeing Beneficial Bae.

Beneficial Bae is EVERYTHING! They encourage me in my endeavors, push me when I need to be pushed, like to take me out on the town, and is always so affectionate and affirming. Beneficial Bae loves to stunt for the ‘gram! We posted last week about how happy we were together, and wouldn’t you know a few days later, Familiar Bae slid into my DMs talk about “Hey Big Head. WYD?”

There will be moments on this journey when past associations, past safety-nets, old go to behaviors, and even old romantic flings will find their way to you. Familiarity will work hard to get your attention back. Make no mistake, the closer you get to finishing, your past will make all the plays to pull you backwards. Tell your past that you’re out here living your best life! Don’t allow who you used to be and what you used to do to entice you to hustle backwards!

This is especially hard when you and your current dream are having some struggles; when the inspiration has worn off and the perspiration hasn’t shown up yet. When you’re struggling to make time. When you’re sitting on the couch watching Red Table Talk, watching other people get their healing while you avoid your own. Old patterns and behaviors will start looking good.

“Oh Candace, the book you’re writing doesn’t matter. It’s already been said & done.”
“You’re not different. Just settle for a ‘regular’ life like other people.”
“You don’t need to write/post today. Take a break. Take ALL the breaks.”
“What you’re trying to offer to the world doesn’t matter. It won’t help anyone. It won’t make a difference. You’re just blowing smoke.”
“Don’t you miss having direct deposit? Every two weeks.”
“Remember how easy life used to be?”

Oooooh. Familiar Bae is so raggedy.

The past often lies, painting an incomplete picture of what it actually looked like. My past tried to remind me of all the good times, the steady paychecks, the ease, the comfort. I almost went back. I tried to get another job. I almost stopped writing listening to Familiar Bae.

And then, Holy Spirit reminded me of the truth, the complete picture. Oh yeah! My past used to use & abuse me and left me with bad credit!


Don’t let your past paint revisionist history for you. Familiar Bae has no intentions on seeing you finish. They aren’t sending you good vibes or love and light. All they want to do is draw you back into old foolishness. They want you to stay in that stuck place with them.

Don’t fall for it.

If you are a believer, think about the children of Israel (see book of Exodus). They were six weeks into their relationship with Beneficial Bae after groaning to God for 400 years about their terrible relationship with Familiar Bae. The journey towards freedom started getting rocky, and all of a sudden they were ready to go back! Don’t start longing for the enslavement of Egypt because what you’re encountering in FREEDOM isn’t what you’d thought it’d be. Don’t let #FamiliarBae keep you from #BeneficialBae

Who or what is the #FamiliarBae & #BeneficialBae of your life? Make a list of the pros and cons of staying with each. What did you uncover?

Blog post taken from Letter 22 ‘A Tale of 2 Baes’ from my new book “Letters to the Finishers (who struggle to finish).”

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I’ve got a testimony!

First giving honor to God, who is the head of my life.
To the deacons, the preachers, the teachers, and the reachers… I stand before you today to say…

GOD IS GOOD! He’s brought me a MIGHTY LONG WAY!

This week has been one for the books.


This week, 3 projects that I’ve been working on in one way or the other in the last year, were released.

A featured essay in the new book #SexAndTheChurchGirl that releases 05.14.19
Co-creator of this new t-shirt design that’s available NOW
My FIRST BOOK! “Letters to the Finishers (who struggle to finish)” that releases 06.04.19

I am in awe of this moment. And, I’m working hard to stay present in it. God has reminded me that the very place I now sit is a place I prayed FOR YEARS to occupy.

I don’t want to hop, jump and skip over what’s happening right now.
I have THREE whole offerings that the world is & will experience that came from my brain, heart & spirit. I finally, FINALLY #Finished my first book.

I am breathing the tears & prayers of yester-year. I am harvesting seeds that were planted decades ago. I am LIVING in the future I prayed for.

God delivered.
And He’s not done.
He’s not done showing off.

But the real gotcha gotcha is me showing up for myself. Finally.

I’ve spent the last few years clapping AT myself-

“Candace 👏🏽 deal👏🏽with👏🏽your👏🏽self!”

and also clapping FOR myself-

“Aye! Candace!!! Look👏🏽at👏🏽you👏🏽dealing👏🏽with👏🏽yo👏🏽self!”

I stopped waiting for other people to take me seriously before I took myself seriously. I stopped waiting for someone to hand me the life I wanted. I stopped believing I was undeserving or incapable. I courageously told my story and it healed me. It IS healing me.

So I’m leaning ALL the way in. I’m taking it all in. I’m smiling randomly & not trying to cover my mouth when I do so. I’m clapping for myself. I’m proud of myself! *throws confetti in the air* And I absolutely REFUSE to worry about what may or may not come. I will not rush to the next steps. I’m enjoying these steps WAY too much.

2 years ago on this day, on FB, I celebrated the victory of 600-words of written fiction. It was a seemingly small victory but here’s a quotable from that post:

“I can’t expect to reach my destination if I only look for planes to take me there.”

Candace W. 02.21.17

Sometimes, I BE SAYING STUFF! *whew*

I stopped looking only for planes. I picked up my feet & started walking.

‘The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” – Lao Tzu

I have no idea which mile I’m on but I know it’s no longer step one.